


i am all alone tonight and i kept on asking myself questions.

by junpeisass



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst and Fluff, F/M, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Love Confessions, Panic Attacks, Self-Loathing, kannao - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:34:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29787891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junpeisass/pseuds/junpeisass
Summary: i will just say what i sent my bestie on twitter : "i thought i'd do something like naoto panics cuz she doesn't know if kanji still has a crush on her now that everyone knows she's a girl, she gets rly sad and lonely one night, she starts to panic from overthinking and she just calls kanji to the rescue to help her with her panic attack, he RUNS OVER TO HER HOUSE and then they KISS and goodnight"
Relationships: Shirogane Naoto/Tatsumi Kanji
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	i am all alone tonight and i kept on asking myself questions.

Rain just started to pour as Naoto was walking back to her appartment. She walked slowly, head overflowing with questions. All of them about Kanji Tatsumi. She remembered the way everyone teased Kanji for having a crush on Naoto, back when everyone thought she was a boy. The teasing had stopped a while ago, and to be fair, Naoto kind of missed it. At that time she wasn't fully aware of her true feelings towards her blonde friend, but now she was sure. It was what Rise had called a "crush". 

Naoto has never been one for romantic relationships, in fact, she had avoided any romantic activity since, well, forever. But since she started to spend more time with Kanji, she began to avoid romantic feelings less. At first she thought it was only platonic affection, nothing more. But as the days went on, she found herself wanting more from Kanji. She wanted physical attention from him, not just the usual smiles they give each other when they meet in the hallways. Even though this alone makes her feel good for an entire day. 

One thing that haunted Naoto since she told herself she did in fact liked Kanji maaaaybe a little bit (a whole lot) more than if he was just her friend, was Kanji's side of this question. Kanji liked her back when he thought she was a boy... Right? So... Was he still liking her despite the fact that she's a girl? Naoto didn't think he was, seeing how distant they have been in the past few weeks, seeing each other only when they were out with all their friends. It hurted her, but she'd never admit it. At least not in front of other people. 

The detective stopped at her appartment door, sighing while opening it. Her appartment was her true place to hide, to let out any feeling she felt, nowhere seemed safer than this appartment.

_And Kanji's house._

Said a voice in the back of her head, she closed her eyes, dismissing the voice. She didn't want to think about Kanji now, not when she was alone, and could easily be drowned in emotions. Naoto dropped her bag on her small couch, before taking off her vest and hat, heading to her bathroom. She sploshed water on her face, not even looking at her reflection, rather looking at the floor.

_You're still thinking of him, uh?_

Naoto squeezed her eyes shut. No, she wasn't thinking about him. She could stop thinking about Kanji, it wasn't that hard, right? She got out of the bathroom after gently tapping a towel on her face. As she walked to her room, the voice came back again.

_How can you not think of him? You're afraid of his feelings for you._

Naoto sighed deeply and entered her room, her private safe place, hoping the voices would stop. They didn't. She sat on her bed, kicking off her shoes then turned to look at the window. The sky was gray, almost all dark, rain was pouring fast from the sky, crashing on her window. It looked rather pretty, actually, how the raindrops would end their short lives on her window. Then, she thought of him again.

_Are you sure he's okay out here, in the heavy rain? Maybe he asked another girl to help him, since you left so fast school today._

"- Quiet..."

She muttered. When she thought of Kanji with another girl, her heart clenched. She felt... Jealous, somehow. And she did not liked that. Naoto wasn't jealous, was she? Plus, Kanji didn't belonged to her, she shouldn't be this hurt to think of him with another girl.

_You're probably right. You're not even sure he likes girls. maybe you were more interesting when he thought you were a boy. In fact, everyone liked you better when they didn't know you were a girl._

Her breath hitched, and she bit her lip, silently begging the voice to stop. It began to sting, to hurt deeply. Her mind was running wild without her consent to figure the worst scenarios possible.

_Picture this, you finally have the courage to tell him how much you love him... And he laughs it off, tells you he's sorry to have made you think he could be interested in you. Wouldn't that be... a shame?_

"- Please stop..."

Her voice had a little crack, the thought of Kanji mocking her for her stupid crush made her heart ache. He'd never do that, even if he didn't like her back he'd be kind and nice and gentle... Wouldn't he? Naoto curled into a ball, her head resting atop of her knees, eyes closed, trying to shove the voices away. 

_Why do you think he doesn't hang out with you anymore? You're lame, not interesting, you speak with big words that annoys everyone. And you're too cold. Kanji hates hanging with you, do you know that?_

A tear rolled down Naoto's cheek.

"- That's false... H-He still thinks of me as a friend.."

_Yes, a FRIEND. Nothing more. You're not his type. You disappointed him. He'll never like you back._

Naoto whimpered, letting her tears falls from her cheeks to her mattress. It hurts, it hurts so bad. It almost made her want to puke from heartache. She shivered, all of the bad thoughts her mind was putting up to mess with her kept on running in her head, on repeat, loud, so clear that it almost felt real. Naoto began to breathe heavily, one hand slightly tugging in her hair as to calm herself down, to no avail. 

Suddenly, she got up and took her phone in her hand, feeling the urge to call someone. And that someone was-

"- Kanji..."

_Are you seriously going to call him? Even if he was free, he'd never come to your appartment to help the little crybaby you are. I told you, you made him sad. You two could have been happy together, maybe. But you ruined it. Still, go on, call him. But don't say I didn't warn you if he turns you down._

The detective choked on a tear as she pushed the button to call Kanji's number, who answered suprisingly fast.

"- 'Sup, what are ya callin' for-

\- Kanji..."

She breathed, sniffing. Certainly he could tell she was in tears.

"- Naoto ? Are you okay ?"

A tear rolled down her cheek in complete silence.

"- Tatsumi, could you... Could you come by my appartment right now or... Or a-are you occupied?"

Her voice broke down on the last word, probably making Kanji uncomfortable on the other side.

"- Nah, I'm free... S-Should I come right now?

\- Yes, as soon as you can, please..."

Silence fell for a little bit of time, letting the two hear each other's breathe, right before Kanji spoke up.

"- I-I should get goin', see ya in a minute."

And with that the call ended. And Naoto suddenly had trouble calming her breathing again. Why was she panicking? Kanji didn't turn her down, so why was she heavy breathing?

_Maybe he lied?_

"- No..."

_Why wouldn't he though? Not like you mattered to him. You ran away from him, you lied to him, you made him sad... He loved you once, but not anymore._

"- Go away..."

_Why would he bother getting out in the heavy rain for a liar like you? Do you really think anyone would do that?_

"- H-He would... He cares about me...!"

_Do you have any proof? Did he ever said he cared about you? Are you sure you're not making this up?_

"- Please, leave me alone..."

_Even if he did, he could easily replace you. You're not special to him. You're not special to anybody. I even think you disgust him, so why would he bother checking up on a dumbass like you?_

"- Stop it !"

Naoto cried, harder than the other times, sobbing. A knock on her door got her out of her thoughts. Kanji's voice reached her ears.

"- Hey Naoto, you there? You okay?"

But she couldn't move, she thought she was hearing things. It was probably her mind trying to get her to hope, before taking her down more. 

_Oh now that he's here you're starting to doubt? You're truly pathetic. If you were this scared you should have just to suck it up and go to bed, like you always did._

"- Stop..."

She whispered. Footsteps were coming her way, near her bedroom door, which made her breath hitch more.

"- Door was open... Can I come in, Naoto?"

Kanji's calm voice reached her ears, but her words were caught to her throat, only allowing her to choke on heavy tears. Kanji took that as an yes and entered the room, softly closing it behind him, only to lock eyes with a very stressed Naoto.

"- Oh god, what's happen?"

He did not dare coming closer for now, but he looked concerned. 

"- I... I..."

_Can you even bare telling him, now that you two are alone? Or are you just going to lie to him again?_

"- P-Panic attack..."

Kanji stood his ground but crouched down, lowering his head to look at his friend. 

"- Do you want me to go closer to you?"

Naoto's body acted before she could even process what Kanji said, and she nodded as fast as she could, trying to manage her breathing at the same time. The blond boy stood up and came to sit next to her on her bed, gently laying the detective on his shoulder.

"- Shh, 's okay, I'm here..."

Naoto started to relax a little when her head touched Kanji's shoulder, taking deep breaths. He softly shushed her, one hand awkwardly rested on her shoulder to keep her in place. Naoto took deep breaths of Kanji's smell, growing calmer by the minute. All he had to do was just hold her gently and there she was, like nothing ever happened. It made her smile, she felt safe into his arms, she felt loved. Kanji also smiled, stroking her shoulder lightly.

_Oh isn't this dreamy? You got what you wanted, aren't you happy? Why don't you tell him how much you're happy right now?_

"- Kanji...

\- Yes, Naoto?"

She bit her lip, her mind was foggy from all the bad thoughts, she was honestly lost. What was she about to say again? Maybe she wanted space, didn't want to let Kanji too close to her, by fear of...something? Or maybe it was something else maybe it was-

"- I-I love you..."

She whispered against his coat. No. No. No, she didn't just say that. No way. Kanji's hand had froze on her shoulder, making her tense up. Oh no, she fucked up because she listened to that stupid voice... After long minutes of silence, Kanji whispered aswell :

"- Come again...?"

Naoto bit her lip harder, refusing to say it again. It was too embarrassing, too risky, too hard to say. And he surely did not like what she just said. And her breath started picking up again. She fucked that up. He came here for her crybaby ass and she fucked it up by confessing to him.

"- Naoto, look at me..."

She lowered her head, feeling like shit. The voices were right. They were so right and theyr tried to warn her, to keep her safe from humiliation. As soon as a tear shed away from her eye, soft fingers were placed on her chin, bringing her head towards Kanji's. They locked eyes for a moment before Kanji's lips were pressed gently against Naoto's. And she felt she could die right here. The detective's hands found Kanji's cheeks, pulling him closer in the kiss, not caring anymore.

To hell the voices, to hell the anxiety. When they parted, Kanji's face was flushed.

"- Wow er... Almost killed me there..."

And he giggled. Naoto gave him a soft smile, hugging him tight.

"- Can you please stay the night, Kanji...?"

The blond nodded, giving her a small kiss on her head.

"- Of course Naoto."

She sighed of relief, breaking from his embrace to stand up.

"- If you'll excuse me, I want to take a shower, to drown any... Bad thoughts.

\- Fine by me!"

Kanji replied, laying back on her bed. Naoto smiled and she headed towards her door. 

"- Oh and, Naoto?"

She stopped.

"- Yes, Kanji?

\- I love ya too."

**Author's Note:**

> hhhh i hope this wasn't too bad.... i needed some angst kannao for clear skin. anywayz come scream @ me abt persona shit on twitter if u want, i'm nice!! @ is KILLJOYDETEC


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